Fucking sneaky little bastard. It is so easy for me to be dragged down when the little floating hope I have instilled in someone else goes under. It actually feels like my heart falls. Like a down hill sled, without the fun or glee.

I HATE being obsessive. I have so much, it's just this one empty area in my life that gets so easily trapped and falsified. And I am someone who will not settle. I will not fill the hole with someone who will only set me back. I will not open myself up to someone who is not worthy of my love, or who will exploit it and me. I cannot be with someone who fits into the mold of the societal American male. I need more or I need nothing.

And this guy doesn't fit into the mold. He believes in love and monogamy and poetry and respect. He is so many things I would like to fill that empty space. It's at a place I can't reach; to get at requires someone else. And unless that someone else is really worth it, "I just assume use the time alone."

So, because this individual embodies what I so rarely find, I have placed within him so much hope and significance. Too much.

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