OK so I met this guy online, and he seems more amazing than anyone I could ever ask for. He is beautiful inside and out, and so so smart and cool all around. But I have qualms. First off, my obsessive part of my OCD is making me think too much of him too often, which is bad. Especially this early on. Second, he could be simply who I want him to be. I may be filling his anonymous persona with what I want. Could be. Also, let's say we meet. I'm overweight, and guys are by nature repelled both socially and biologically to fat chicks. He's seen pics of me, but only of my pretty face. So, there is that incredibly vulnerable part of me who cannot be crushed again by the look of disappointment in a male's face. So, there are the qualms. Plus, I dunno. There is no plus, just "But, but...but's." I am ready for love, I can take it this time. I am stronger, and a hell of a lot wiser. But my mind is waaaaay ahead of me, as always. It has already created out most perfect memories, word for word. It has seen the good times and the bad, and left me spent and drained. Oh mind, how you fuck me over sometimes. I have a pattern in my life. Each time my mind creates a relationship it entertains before one even begins, none actually comes into fuition. Cause I don't know why.
