I am on top of things, but for some reason I feel anxiously like I am drowning in behindness. I feel like I'm stuck in tow, unable to move fast enough to keep out of the wake.
Maybe I am mourning. I haven't had to mourn for a while. Maybe I need to process. I haven't processed in a while either. But what is there to process?
Tonight I went to the gym at 7:40, only to be told that they closed at 8. Before I could stop myself I loudly proclaimed with an angry face "SHIT!" Good thing there were no women or children present. The gym guy just looked at me like I was potentially dangerious. But seriously, I was unrealistically upset.
Sometimes I don't like my body chemistry AT ALL. I get tired of being medicatedly normal. And though I am very partial to the shade of purple my welbeutrin comes in (along with the various yellows and peaches of the others) it would be nice to be "sane" without them.
I smell, and I am going to remedy that with a shower. I have about eighteen shower products in the shower at the current time. I use all of them. I love smell good things very, very much.
That boy...he is something else. Something I will never taste again. Someone I will never cry over again. It's people like him that make me grateful for the gift of memories.