Bleeeeh. My tummy is off, my mind is off, and so is my mood. I am thinking my inner chemicals are mad at me. I don't feel like going out at all. I just want to stay in and do homework. I want to stay in and get in jammies and go to bed. I want to roll around on the ground, leaving behind this mood residue with each turn.

I am on top of things, but for some reason I feel anxiously like I am drowning in behindness. I feel like I'm stuck in tow, unable to move fast enough to keep out of the wake.

Maybe I am mourning. I haven't had to mourn for a while. Maybe I need to process. I haven't processed in a while either. But what is there to process?

Tonight I went to the gym at 7:40, only to be told that they closed at 8. Before I could stop myself I loudly proclaimed with an angry face "SHIT!" Good thing there were no women or children present. The gym guy just looked at me like I was potentially dangerious. But seriously, I was unrealistically upset.

Sometimes I don't like my body chemistry AT ALL. I get tired of being medicatedly normal. And though I am very partial to the shade of purple my welbeutrin comes in (along with the various yellows and peaches of the others) it would be nice to be "sane" without them.

I smell, and I am going to remedy that with a shower. I have about eighteen shower products in the shower at the current time. I use all of them. I love smell good things very, very much.

That boy...he is something else. Something I will never taste again. Someone I will never cry over again. It's people like him that make me grateful for the gift of memories.

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