Last night I watched MTV's Sex2k. (I know, I know...but it's about sex, so that justifies it...right?) Anyways, There was a guy on named Tucker Max, who I believe, epitomizes my fear of men. He has a website where women can apply to date him, if they're hot enough. During the program, Tucker degraded woman after woman that had applied to his site. Now...don't think I blame this pathetic asshole for these women's shame. No. He's just that, a pathetic asshole. What I want to know is why these women allowed themselves to be degraded on MTV. He treated them like unworthy dogs. They didn't even know him, and they just took his shit. He's not a celebrity, he's an asshole. Where is the self-esteem and self-respect of these beautiful ladies? It gave me goosbumps to watch. (And yet I did)

So, this guy basically holds within his soul all the characteristics that I loath in a "man." He's the stereotypical never-grew-out-of-highschool-or-fraternity-life boy, motivated only by the desire to get into the panties of worthy "hot chicks."

And this I fear. Because I am not gay, and don't want to be. I am attracted to males. And I want to get married, and I want to be in love. But I fear that men and women will never be emotionally compatable, and this guy is living fucking proof of that fear. I could never relate to the person this guy projects. I want to talk and hold and fuck and laugh and think and see and feel and wonder aloud with a guy. But my experience, which I admit is emotionally blurred, has shown me nothing but men who are intrinsically motivated for sex. All I've seen is their need for release and for variety and for short lived things. I'm 21, so don't get me wrong, I am not looking to get married for a loooong time. But I want men that I don't have to fear. That I don't have to worry that we're on different levels. I don't want to be a toy.

Site Meter