I had a horrible, awful dream. My therapy teacher was giving me intensive trauma therapy and I was squeezing his hand screaming and crying while he talked like a child being molested. He told me he knew how much pain I was in. He was helping me deal with being molested. I wish I could feel as intensely about it in real life as I did in the dream. I wish I could scream and cry with the pain I felt in the dream. But I feel no pain. I feel nothing, except the residual pain from my dream. Anger and seering hurt would be so much more freeing. It would heal itself. All the hate would turn to white light after running its course, and I would be free. Instead of being stuck in this cage of numbness and half grasped memories.