I cannot escape that Evanescence song. I can't even be free of it while perusing the easy listening stations. It was very intriguing when I first heard it, that girl's voice is amazing, but now it has reached the point of redundant noise.

I got up at 9:30 today on my own accord, and exercised. So strange. I walked to our local Audubon, and got bitten by too many critters to want to go back there soon. I miss nature. Concrete and asphalt just don't do it for me aesthetically.

I think I hate cities. Wait, no, I strongly dislike cities. Wait, no, I strongly dislike this city. I will be happy to relocate after I graduate.

I have nothing to do. Which is great, in theory, I just feel like shit in the head. Does anyone know what an aneurysm feels like? I keep being afraid that I feel one coming on and am going to be found dead. Weird fear, I know.

Tonight I am going to go to a friend's house for dinner, and I am bringing wine. It feels too grown up.

I thought I'd like the random guest book signing, but I don't/ It makes the signings feel empty and superficial.

Last night I showed a friend of mine an awful picture of me, and she said, "it's not that bad at all." Which actually means, "what are you talking about? You look just like that in real life." It bothers me when others aren't equally horrified of bad pictures of me as I am. Because it makes me think, 'jeez, I'm actually that ugly in real life, I just never realized it until I saw this picture.'

I need to start working. I need to earn enough to make a trip to Ikea and giddily romp through the isles, purchasing things that make me happy.

I have yet to weigh myself, but only because I have been craving food so badly the last couple days. How are they related? Why, can't you plainly see? Whatever, I am standing up that date until I am ready. Ugh, I am so so so so so so fucking tired of being fat. I daydream of waking up thin, and figuring out how I would explain the sudden transformation to all my friends. I believe it is 100 lbs. I would like to lose. DAMN, thats an entire six foot runway model! But i guess 100 is a pretty solid number. Easy to subtrace and divide into. Sigh, fat fat.

I have been faithfully writing down what I eat, and find no solace in that. I thought it would magically help me out, but nope.

I like this quote: "And if you let little girls play with trucks, their sexuality gets all screwed up." -Melissa Ferrick


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